bmerritt

Antonio’s is not actually good. It sucks. I mean the pizza, it’s terrible. Reasonably cheap, yes, but edible? No. Soggy and prone to being covered by ridiculous toppings? Yes. Anyone up for a slice with an entire hamburger on top, sprinkled with ravioli and hotdogs? Antonios! Go there. If not, read on. See rather than spending money on, say, real cheese, Antonios has instead invested in some kind of mindray that operates on everyone who makes the fateful mistake of giving the place a try. This mindray convinces customers that they are eating delicious pizza served by polite people in a nice atmosphere, none of which is actually true. Impressively, the mindray has a lasting effect, and also causes people to extoll the virtues of Antonio’s using their stable of implanted false memories. Beware.

Seriously this pizza is made of ground up buttholes. If you’re into that, go there. Otherwise get a real nice slice across the street.

I had the pleasure of watching an impossibly old man finger his similarly old companion under the bridge bathed in the “romantic” glow of carcinogenic bliss while consumed by a soundtrack curated by the bastard child of Enya and Celine Dion. Kill me!