Benji

For a wedding, and a bit of a holiday.

very much looking forward to seeing the place with leaves on the trees, the sun shining etc…

Because i keep hearing how much fun it is. And we don’t get a great deal of food on sticks in this country, probably limited to satay chicken from the local takeaway or tiger prawns when we have a barbecue, although I did once make Pineapple kebabs..

I have a feeling that the food on sticks at the state fair would be slightly less healthy..

I want to see the butter sculptures!

was this weekend, with Sean, Stayed in a B & B called the Blue Dolphin, close to the beach, in a quiet little road with wobbly houses and cobbles on the road.

The weather was a little bit kak, but I love the ocean and I love the sand and I love the walking along the beach at 2.00am. leaving the only footprints.

:)

because Sam saw the advert, Kids go free this year (it’s the anniversary, 15 years I think) and Speedy used to live there (paris not Disneyland, that would just be weird), so to a 5 year old it makes perfect sense that we go.

I have to say I am thinking he may be right, I have never been and that seems a bit silly as realistically it’s just a couple of hours away.

Plus I bloody love rollercoasters.

Cos I want to visit my brother-in-law and I hear the skiing isn’t bad either.

http://fflamfestival.co.uk/

Speedy and I get to go here, in a couple of weeks time…

Very exciting…

I know I have a happy place, I just think I lost my way.

It’s where I feel that I am loved and secure and I can smile without criticism, without being compared to ghosts, where I can be alive and hold conversations that are valued and responded too.

It’s where I wake up on a cloudy day and the sun is still shining, when I throw open the windows and breathe in the cold air, where I look out and appreciate the beauty of the world around me. Knowing that there is so much I can do and will do, seeing things I haven’t yet but yearning for it, making things happen, stepping off the edge into whatever will be with a smile on my face.

Laughing out loud. Dancing with my son, being held close and breathing in the scent of the person who loves me back. That tingly feeling in my toes and fingers.

It’s like walking up that hill and knowing that I exsist instead of wondering why I am disappearing, becoming less than I am, being erased and becoming not shiny.

And thats where I am right now.

It’s awful, it’s cold, dark,, mean and spiteful.

It is not a place I wish to stay.

If Roxi says it’s cool then count me in.