I found Patong beach fascinating, inspiring, entertaining and compelling. Yes, you can well argue that the dirty streets, full of pushy, occaisionally sleazy locals hocking fake designer merchandise and competing loudly with one another for your attentions greatly detracts from the experience, but personally I found that it enhanced it.
The streets are crowded, noisy and … atmospheric. The humidity, while opressive at first, becomes enjoyable, and the locals, while being obtrusive are also very friendly, and, due to their varying competences in English and tendency to mimic your accent, and tell you that they’re from “Bunbury, Australia, mate”, also hilariously good fun.
As a sixteen year old girl travelling with a friend, and their respective families not always being present, we were constantly targeted by the sleazes. We were whistled at, stared at, gestured at, proposed to… While we weren’t dressed exactly skimpily, I suppose we weren’t really demure, either. However, a mere chat or polite refusal will usually satisfy the would-be suitors, while ignoring them will often make them worse.
PLACES TO EAT: our favourite hang-out/meeting point was an “Irish” pub called Murphy’s. The meals were reasonably priced, the menu had a fair range of Western foods in very generous proportions, the staff spoke reasonable English, there were large TV screens with games from several different codes of football being displayed, and ceiling fans to provide some comfort and refuge from the sweltering street.
There are plenty of places to buy water and drinks along the Beach.
RANGE OF SHOPPING: touristy tees (including some very clever/funny ones) at very good prices, depending on which stall you settle for, and how good your bartering skills are (TIP: start at half the offered price, and work up slightly… saying “no thanks” after a while and walking away will often prompt a more reasonable offer from the seller, however you should remember that this is their income, and if you can quite happily afford it, then there’s no point in trying to worm the price down a couple more dollars). The stalls also sell fake-designer merchandise, some of which is quite good value, some of which is not. Use your common sense, and buy it if you like it, leave it if the item seems too flimsily made.
NEARBY: There is a fairly good shopping centre called “Jungceylon”, which is where some locals shop. It can be cheaper. If you are looking for fake designer handbags – Guess, Gucci, Chanel – there is a store on the bottom level which does really good prices – twenty dollars a bag – for reasonably made items.
Adjoined to Jungceylon there are several other shopping centres with Western shops and food places such as Subway and a Starbucks outside.
What I loved most about Jungceylon was the fact that they have security guards positioned at each door, who salute you as you walk in. It is a lot of fun to salute back or say to them in your best military voice “at ease, soldier”. Take it from me.
If you want something less touristy, try “the Big C” – a shopping centre for locals. Although many of the store-owners don’t speak English at all, it doesn’t really seem to matter. One sweet girl in a shop gave my friend and I each a small freebie (they don’t see foreigners too often in there). I was stared at a fair bit – out of our party, I had the blondest hair (honeyblond) and palest skin (Anglo-Saxon heritage), and also green eyes. It was slightly unnerving for someone already very paranoid in nature, but I adjusted to it.
We found a huge store in the Big C, which was a Thai version of Coles and Target combined. It was very useful for food (we mainly bought soft drink and snacks to take back to our hotel rooms) and also booze.
My dad discovered a store on the bottom floor which he declared
paradise – he’s a very handy electrician/mechanic/handyman – and because the Thai people never throw anything out, preferring to fix it instead as it’s cheaper that way, this store was Dick Smith and Bunnings on steriods and much, much more inexpensive. It took three staff to process all of his items, and they trembled as they revealed the total price to him (to them it was a small fortune) which he very happily paid. I’m pretty sure he still dreams about that store. We had to bodily drag him from it.
TRANSPORT: tuk tuks line along the side of the street; drivers will call out to you and offer you a lift without you even having to glance in their direction. However, we were staying at the Dusit Laguna, half an hour’s drive out from Patong, and we arranged for a local taxi service to send a driver to pick us up each day from outside our hotel. The drivers spoke enough English to tell us tidbits about local areas, and would drop us off wherever we wanted – sometimes our group would split up and be dropped off at different places – then either arrange to meet us somewhere at a certain time, or hang around waiting patiently. The service had a small range of cars – small sedans, a couple of mini-vans – which were all air-conditioned (a godsend), and were decently priced. They would chaffeur us around for a day (say, ten to five) for thirty dollars total.
Our drivers were quite good to us, and we became espescially fond of “Dean” who was the quiet type, but told us everything we wanted to know, and was always punctual.
THE PEOPLE: Pushy, loud, sleazy, in-your-face. Friendly, interesting, odd.
THE SCENERY: Pretty, but dirty.
PATONG BEACH AT NIGHT: Well, I wouldn’t recommend going to Patong Beach at night by yourself, and obviously the presence of a male in your party reduces the risk of anything unsavoury occuring. I would stress that even males travelling alone are not above danger – a Thai-speaking, Tibetan tailor who had been living in Patong for several years told us about being mugged for his wallet whilst walking a short distance home from the bar in the early hours of the morn by a pack of ladyboys.
Hoever, I don’t believe it is a reason to be intimidated. Just err on the side of caution.
IF YOU hate noise, crowds, humidity, other tourists, talking to strangers, and the uncouth element of humanity, then stay at the Sheridan in the Laguna complex and spend your days poolside.
I would go back in an instant.
PERSONAL TALLY:
‘Designer’ bags bought: Two.
Jewellery pieces: Quite a lot.
Pairs of shoes: One.
DVDs: Ditto.
Photos taken: Very few, too busy enjoying myself. CBF lugging a camera around everywhere.
‘Compliments’ (“sweet/sexy/cute/naiice/i like” etc): Hundreds.
Shaken hands/hugs: Dozens.
Offered dates (including an invite to party at the ‘Banana Lounge’, a real place located on Patong Beach): Dozens.
Marriage proposals: Three.
Number of compliments from women: Several.
Number of women felt up by: Three.
