I’ve been going to bed later and later and waking up earlier and earlier…
I wake up afraid I’ll oversleep because I go to sleep with that fear since I went to bed late the night before…if that makes any sense.
Anyways, today was no different, I woke up at 5:30 and my alarm wasn’t supposed to ring for another 47 minutes, so I tried to go back to sleep and while I dozed off I was afraid I wouldn’t wake up again but then the hooded Woos appeared, all standing around me wearing dark hooded robes, I couldn’t tell who they were but I knew I’ve seen them before and I wasn’t afraid… they started deciding my morning routine…
They said it was not efficient to wake the boys first, as I questioned in my head what I should do next the Woos would give opinions one at the time, sleep ten more minutes, not seven! other would say! Don’t sleep one more would say! Wake the girl first and give her a shower, the water will be warm for her, yes do that in 5 minutes and go back to bed while she showers, no get their clothes ready! you can do that while she dries… no lay the boys clothes out first and choose Kami’s as well then rest while she dries and the water will get warm.
Now Wake!!! they all said, I woke and the alarm was one minute about to ring… I turned it off.
I turned on the water and came back to see if the clock was right, I woke up the boys an hour earlier yesterday and then sent them back to sleep once I realized I was too early…
The time was right I took Kami half sleep to the shower and she put no resistance (she always does when awake)... her shower went smooth, I set the clothes up as the woos had advised and I took Kami out, while she dried wrapped up in her towel I rested my eyes for what I thought was a long time (no more than 5 minutes), woke up to more woos’ instructions to take the boys in and fill the soap bottles, sure enough they were empty…
Kami was ready before the boys but they get ready on their own so it was an advantage to have them do something while I made breakfast, Kami helped set the table and everyone had something to do.
Though it was a bit unsettling to have a counsel of hooded voices talking to me, it wasn’t a nightmare and it actually affected the outcome of my morning as if it was real…
The woos? I still don’t know what they are but in my dream they were 43ers in hooded cloaks…

Ive had lots lately, so many I don’t remember them all, but the little times I spend sleeping they have been all nightmares.
One was about my Pepita; it was like war times and the cities where half empty and half destroyed, the invaders (who knows from where) were taking all the children and they had taken my 3 older kids, I wanted to find them, and I had my Pepa all the time with me.
I knew some people who were hiding children in a safe place so the grown ups could work or whatever, so I took my Pepa, but then someone was following me. I knew I couldn’t scape them but I wanted to see the Pepa one more time and make sure she would be safe with someone.
I ran trough buildings and warehouses, I made it to the safe house and left crying, and kept running.
Then they cornered me in a building where I kept running inside in the dark, opening doors and going down stairs, I passed a bakery with a door to the street and I thought of leaving that way but I kept climbing down the stairs when I saw vans of those people parked outside…then I knew I had no way out and I woke up …and went back to sleep…

Other one was weird weird weirdddd, my whole family was in a building like an airport, and they were evacuating because there was a treat of a bomb or something like that, the people were leaving in a hurry but in order, then a man started screaming at his son, he was horrible calling him names and telling him that he wasn’t allowed to leave, that he had to stay right there. The kid (13 or so) was just quiet and shy, he didn’t do anything , he let the man drag him around; then the man pushed him against a pillar and the kid sat own covering his head while the man got madder and madder and screamed horrible things; he called the kid names and hit him in the head several times, then I don’t know from where he got a tutu and stuffed it to the boy and ridicule him, but the kid wouldn’t take it off. We all were feeling angry at the man, but we had to leave and nobody did anything, I was going up some electric stairs and kept hearing the screaming of the man, and while I was up there I was thinking why I didn’t do anything, why I didn’t take the kid with me, and why all those people watching down there wouldn’t say something, then I woke up again.

Then I dreamed I woke up and Pepita was lying next to me but she was dead, I woke up and felt Pepita there, and I turned around to see her and she was lying there with her crab ( a pillow size stuffed animal) on top of her face, I took it out quickly and moved her hands, she didn’t move or react, then I felt her breath, I didn’t feel any air coming out and didn’t see any movements, so I shook her and said Pepita!! and she said, I’n here mommy… and turned the other way and I was sooooo happy, I shushed her back to sleep and tossed the crab out of the bed… ugh!!!!
Then I couldn’t sleep and twenty minutes later the clock rang… wah

When will I stop trying to fix Friday to remember Saturday???
I keep playing it in my mind, lifting the paper somehow finding the date and realizing …tomorrow is the 11…I have tons of things to do…1,2,3,4 I’m ready, I was but not exactly…because I didn’t know what day I was living.
Past is getting in the way, I have disappointed kids though they just mention it nicely, (sigh! mommy you forgot the Invention convention), it comes in cold as a knife.
I want to sleep! grrrrr….

If I could get in it I’ll probably trash the place, yes my little voice it s hollering and trashing around in this huge tantrum.
My kids didn’t act too disappointed but they keep making little comments once in a while, sigh! our school only had three people to represent them, sigh! I really wanted to show my invention…
“It is OK mommy we are the forgetfuls” said my oldest son; if only I responded like that to him when he comes back without giving the homework to the teacher that he worked so hard the day before, I’m like ughhh Andy! You spent all afternoon and now you won’t even get credit for it, if you come back with the homework next time you’ll loose some privileges! Maybe I need to loose some privileges, my favorite thing my 43 that is what I need to stay away for about a month buaaaaaaa.
I want to scrape all the Teflon of my brain and let it rust so things will hold on easier.
I feel now I forgot things during the week, that I have something really important soon but I don’t know what, it is probably the lingering thought of that event that I thought would happen in the future but it was yesterday…empty lost yesterday.
I envy smart people! I would trade my good looks for some brain except I don’t have that either…ughhhhh yes I know I’m wallowing in my pity mud party when what I need is a beating with nailed planks.
In the middle of the afternoon my husband asked me, is your skirt inside out? Grrr it was!
Grrr grrrrrrr grrr me.

I wish it was real…
I stayed up until 4 last night, being silly reading trying to catch up with 43 and watching the recorded shows of desperate housewives and Futurama we had missed.

So today I was crashing against walls and dumping everything because I was so sleepy…

I was folding clothes on my bed, I kneed on top of it to reach a pile of shirts in the middle and the pile of folded towels and sheets look very inviting so I put my forehead down for a minute, and in that awkward position I fell sleep.

I dreamed I was with the boys Andy , Eddie and Giovanni my nephew, we were having a camp on the top of a hotel where the rest of the family was staying and some friends (who knows why) , the girls were with my sister in a hotel room going to bed.

the boys and me had cowboy hats, boots and cowboy gear; we had made a fire with rocks and wood I remember the whole process of piling the wood in the middle of a circle of rocks, and lighting it… then we roasted sausages and looked at the open sky, there was a short fence from where we could look down at the pool area where my parents where talking to all the other adults in the group of people we knew staying at the hotel.

While we were there talking about the stars and our fantastic camp, a star started to get bigger and soon a large orange glowing ball was visible in the sky it kept moving towards us, it was amazing! and fast, it was moving in a zigzag fashion across the sky getting closer and closer, it got so close to us that I thought it was going to impact the earth, it looked a bit like a glowing sparkly planet, and as fast as it came it left this time in a direct line back.

It didn’t end there as it was leaving a ball popped out of the orange ball , this one was a soccer ball pattern, transparent in many areas with the seams and some of the panels made of a glowing gold material, inside there were electronic looking devises, this ball got even closer, I hugged the boys and pushed them behind me, then I told them to get into the tent, I was too fascinated to leave the scene, I had to watch everything, I was expecting an alien to come out of the ball, something did come out, three mechanical arms with a lobster (I wonder why I incorporated lobster claws…hehe) like claws, it stood right on top of the fire projecting images in the air of the same fire, the claws where pinching at it as if they were trying to capture it, they didn’t catch on fire, they didn’t even seem like they could get burned. they looked very matter-less themselves, it was like a hologram, and the soccer ball type ship had the same quality, as it moved back the image of it flicker like when a show is about to go off the TV, and a little tiny ship zoomed out of nowhere and injected the transparent soccer ball with something then the ball swallowed the little ship and left as fast as the last one.

I could swear they were taking pictures of our fire, and the ball had noted my presence because like a camera zooming into someone one of the arms produced an image of us in the air and sucked it into the ship like a ray of light…

When it left I turned off the fire, the kids were too scared to stay in our camp, so I took them down to the girls room, and after telling my annoyed sister about what happened she shrugged and said what? What are you talking about???

I said I’ll be back let me go see my parents, I went down to the pool area and people were in chairs drinking and chatting some swimming, my parents where chatting very animatedly to a group of friends ,I said did you see it???
Did you see the glowing ball? They said yes and continue to talk to the other people, I wanted to tell them more, but they didn’t pay attention, I was under the impression that they didn’t see what was happening in the roof only when the ball got far away from us was that they could have seen it from down there, so I told them about the holograms and stuff… My husband wasn’t there he was in the bathroom…

I went up the the kids’ room and my sister had already manage to put them to sleep, she was in the room connected to that one by a door and she was watching the news… I said see???
She was amazed of the whole thing.
I was angry at my parents, I felt like a kid when grownups ignore them.
So I wanted to be alone and went to my room to wait for Mark to tell him all about it, I turned the TV and they were asking people to e-mail or mail any information to the news, they wanted to do an interview of any witnesses of the strange event…
I felt I had a lot to tell so I wrote down all the information …

When Mark came to the room he listen attentively to all my story, he said it makes sense the design of the ships is what a study on the Discovery magazine said would be most effective for space travel, a ball that moved fast into space with an hexagon pattern built, and he told me all his usual scientific explanations about how things work.

I woke up when Mark walked into the room, he laughed at the way I was sleeping and he said, you’ll be late to get the kids… I jumped and looked at the clock, I had only slept 7 minutes, I took a lot longer typing it.

Unlike my dream the real Mark didn’t care to pay attention when I told him all about it…
I made him lunch while I repeated in my mind all the information so I could type it later…
The aliens weren’t harmful in my dream, I might be really scared in real life if something like that happened, maybe I wouldn’t have stayed and watch…
I hope I dream of the continuation tonight… or maybe I can go see what is behind the door at Paolo’s dream… dang door!

A few words and you get a happy place…
Thank you all!!!

It doesn’t matter how many phone calls I get, how many e-mails or replies, I fell in the whirlpool and I keep going down down down while everybody stays in the surface minding their own business.
Maybe I need isolation for a while but then why do I feel so sad.
I have no reason to be, maybe I’m just tired.
I wish I could sleep trough it and wake up in another page.
I’m down here …hellooooooo!
Where did my happy place go? All I see is ruins.

Really really tired…

My noodles are eating each other because they are frustrated!
I want to help!
EVERYBODY!
I’m only one person, far away, 0 income, tied to home.
Words are not enough.
My people need real hugs, my family kind of people and my 43people, and my old friends too.
It is weird how I ended so far away from everyone, if it wasn’t for my husband and kids I would be back to my land, or somewhere else.sigh!

But never take my kids!!!

Nightmares are cruel because they take us in a vulnerable state when we can’t even control our body.

My husband’s stereo got stolen from his car parked outside of our garage and that send me to sleep that night with a sense of insecurity of my home.
Mark surprised me with his response to the event, he said: I hope they needed it more than I did, and shrugged it off.
He said it makes him feel better when he is driving to work music less that maybe a desperate parent sold the stereo to buy medicine for their kids.

But what if the theft is not of things… and that was what my dream was about:

I had rearranged my home and left the girls in a far away room with a window, it was time to get the kids to bed and the motion lights came on outside so I went to look out the glass doors expecting to see the trees moving and the wind blowing(that usually sets off the light) but there was no wind…

I saw a man climbing the fence and thinking he would get scared I went outside and scream what do you want? But he look right to my eyes with a piercing burning look, and didn’t back away he climbed with force and more motivation than before, I turned around and screamed at my kids: Andy call 911 quick!!! go get the phone!!! I walked into the house and locked the door, but the kids were as always at bed time wired and crazy running around and playing and didn’t even hear what I said, so I ran to find the phone thinking there wouldn’t be enough time and screamed loud enough as I did that, so the kids listened this time and did exactly what I said, GO TO THE VAN NOW! There is a stranger!! (this happened to us before and it was a replay of a real live story) they did, drag the baby and got into the van as I ran after them calling 911…

The police rang the front door before we had left… I felt secure enough to answer the door; they said they saw someone running away as they pulled to the house, they said they would keep a close watch of our neighborhood and to call if anything happened again. It did, a different man was climbing our roof and I saw a left from my window…
I called the police and again they came, but this time my husband was back and he answered the door while I checked the kids rooms who were by that time sleeping, Pepi had left Kami and crawled into our bed so that was one, then the boys, but when I went to Kami’s room the window was broken and she wasn’t there…

I’m crying now as I did in the dream, what a cruel awful nightmare, with drowned screams I ran to the street without caring about the police who were talking with my husband.

I saw a car turn the corner, I knew my kid was inside, I knew in the dream I wouldn’t see her again and I dumped my self in the middle of the dark street screaming… by then I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep I cried and cried, I put the girls in my bed and went to lay in the boys bedroom for the rest of the night…
The news of the famous girl’s murder case didn’t help to create that nightmare that night…I’m sure that was part of the evil dream. ACK!!!!

And why on earth am I typing this now right before I go to bed…
GRRRRRRRR …
I should go dance with Jenniferparis again and forget all about this horrible dream….