The only thing I really enjoy about Southend is the nostalgia – and that’s all for the people, not the place. It’s nifty knowing that the pier is the longest pleasure pier in the world, but it keeps burning down! Peter Pan’s – a very small theme park – is mildly cool, but you have to avoid any ride that might actually be good since it’s got a high chance of breaking down on you. The Kursaal is okay – bowling’s good, arcade’s good – but the sheer number of chavs about make everything on the seafront pretty bracing. Just don’t get me started on the boy racers…