that a brilliant man like yourself would be able to tell us which big names in Hollywood had bunions, who wears shoes that are too tight, which ones walk on the outsides of their feet and which ones walk on the insides. Then there’s the whole thing about who is more pigeon-toed, Lucille Ball or Rock Hudson.

Sherlock Holmes was always able to tell a man’s whole life story from looking at a button on his coat or examining the dirt under his fingernails. I figured that with a whole darn footprint and an expert on the subject of feet, we would be treated to the real inside scoop on some of these Hollywood luminaries.