I know I have a happy place, I just think I lost my way.

It’s where I feel that I am loved and secure and I can smile without criticism, without being compared to ghosts, where I can be alive and hold conversations that are valued and responded too.

It’s where I wake up on a cloudy day and the sun is still shining, when I throw open the windows and breathe in the cold air, where I look out and appreciate the beauty of the world around me. Knowing that there is so much I can do and will do, seeing things I haven’t yet but yearning for it, making things happen, stepping off the edge into whatever will be with a smile on my face.

Laughing out loud. Dancing with my son, being held close and breathing in the scent of the person who loves me back. That tingly feeling in my toes and fingers.

It’s like walking up that hill and knowing that I exsist instead of wondering why I am disappearing, becoming less than I am, being erased and becoming not shiny.